youre lurking in front of me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
