That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
