I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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