she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
