I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
