bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
