Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
