Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
