Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
