If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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