I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
