somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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