there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
