Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
