no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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