i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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