Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
