First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
