just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
