The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
