they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
