You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
