im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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