I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
