The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
