I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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