i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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