It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
