Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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