last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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