Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
