come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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