Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
