Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
