It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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