I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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