She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
