The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
