I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
