I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As shirtless as possible
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
