onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
