I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
