I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
