he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
