Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
