he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
