Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
