do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
