my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
