How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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